Thursday, June 25, 2009 6/25/2009 10:18:00 AM
lesson # 37---TRIPLE F fear, forgive & forget
Read Face reading... by joey yap. i think i mentioned abt this before in my very old posts...but i still would like to talk abt it.:)
it's a complicated one becos u are not just looking at 1 feature at a time to dtermine what kinda person is he(for convenience sake). and to add on to the complication, it kinda involve more than just looking at others....it makes one who is judging, to feel incompetent and depresssed, if ur features consist of very bad combi of features....and that's me.
erm.. come to think about it....im kinda lazy to talk abt it. haha.. go borrow urself ~
erm.. do we
forgive and forget? does this involve any religion?? i'll say, even if u're not a religious person, u can do it.
it's one's own teaching..parental, by experience.... by observation..... etc.
we gotta learn this virtue... becos it will only makes us more benevolent and 'high class' kekeke!
'ji chou' or bear grudge makes our view narrow. and we dun see from the 3rd party's view.. and hence, keep thinking it's other pple's fault and not ours or partly ours.
but i think i gotta change alot of myself too. becos.... whenever pple thinks i'm in a wrong.. i tend to give reasons of why i did wrong. whati was thinking was.. to let pple know that why i'm in a wrong.. ie--to explain why i'm wrong.
But i never really stop to think why i'm in the wrong. perhaps i'm always blaming others... or can i say i want the person to know what i'm thinking .. and perhaps he will see from my point of view.. and understand me... and dun keep finding fault of me.
and i seriously dun understand why pple or human in general..... LOVES TO FIND FAULT ?????? cant they just try to understand?? put themselves in teh shoes of others?? gosh! i hate them and i hate myself for that......rrrrrr
ok... no complaining.... and one more thing.. i realised......
dun go around lecturing pple....dun preach and dun spread ur teaching cos pple dun like it. they dun like changes and even if its for their good...they will dislike u becos u 'wash their face in public'.
cos you're not their parents or teacher... and whatever wrong they do.. just keep quiet. why?? why do we keep to ourselves? becos we are selfish.. we will only see and learn ourselves... and full stop.. dun preach dun spread. but but
say it like a nice way if there is a need.... in priv... and smile. no body wants to look stupid and that is a weakness... so when pple fear that they will look stupid, they get angry... that's perfectly normal
cos of the brain structure... the fear we feel in our... amygdala, results in some chemical to induce our anger.. to battle against the thing that we view threatening.
But i'll just.. let others do the lecturing.. i dun want.
i fear.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 6/23/2009 01:02:00 AM
lesson # 36- Clubbing is fun~ Butter Factory on Fri!
oh my! i'm so excited to type this post! Ok. how am i going to start.
FYI--- in case you dun like grandma story of what the grandma sees and hear, u don't have to continue. "(
Friday, jo asked me out for some chilling. i told her no clubbin. So she suggested that they would go to Zouk to get their hand stamp before going somewhere else to chill. But end up... she changed to Butter Factory. Ok. so i associate chilling with BF.
In the end, i dressed like some ah ma...and go there to see all girls and guys in their best-est outfit as if they are there for some fashion parade. seriously!!!
It's at One FUllerton u see.. high class clubbers high class dressing. haha
so the music was great before it gets into the mood of everyone dancing and getting jam packed.
it almost got me dancing. that's the good music i'll say.. not electric or rnb techno.. etc.
They order burbon coke(only vincent's drinking cos i dun think anyone likes it), den. peach or cherry vodka??? after that.. got another jugs of 2 other flavour, orange, and perhaps sprite and lemon. den i dunno who ordered lime plus plain alcohol in the 12 small 'shooters?' glass... all tried.. except me. i know that one will get u drunk damn fast. cos it's 1 gulp drink i think..
den they had cherry flavour? it's red one... I drank that. and lastly.... choco milk, or choco cream? but anyway. it's just choco.. .that gets me feeling so blissful .haha!!! yes i know that sounds so wierd becos it's alcohol.. bad stuff.. yet makes u feel like u're not commiting any sins at all. hahaha!
it's dammn thick and creamy. heavenly i'll say. haha
soon the music gets worst..((to my definition)) and that's when everyone gets kinda high after all those drinks they were ordering.
getting into the club and ordering drinks and chatting is kind of pre-high phase...den a few handful of pple dancing is transition phase, den as everyone is trying to get it, and a huge bunch of pple starts to get to the floor and platforms to dance,,,,, that's the escalating phase.
and as the night gets shorter, which is.. .abt 12-1.30 or around there... pple starts to dance to the music.. scream to the music... take pics... heads bobbing, body intimacy.. body in contact with body...laughing, wierd pple dancing even more wierdly, freedom, de-stressing symptoms, expressions, wierd dance moves, delusions, drunks(noun), changing from floor to platform to show off, show offs, in their own world dance moves and looks......enjoyment, cute and hilarious moves, oh and haha!
girls or rather.. matured ladies of i believed to be non-locals..AND super matured ladies in their sexy outfit squeezing thru the crowds to the dj counter, offering drinks... and even offering a.....
hmm i couldnt see well, but i strongly believed that it's a kiss to the handsome dj. i believe that's the sign of being drunk and happily-dunno-what-they-are-doing syndrome. the dj was damn shocked. seriously seriously!!! as the counter( any better words???) is higher than the floor, the 2 matured ladies had to climb this huge speaker( i presume) and prop herself to the counter. she (just 1 lady out of e 2) asked him over, brought him near to her, and (i believe the dj thought she was going to offer some words of encouragement or congratualatory words to his ear, ) alas! it was not the turning of the head at the end of bringing his head forward her. ---in another words, if u want to whisper, you bring a head forward and turn the head so you speak into the ear)
gosh. it was quite a few secs u know?? LOL! wth????
the dj had a very wierd expression i tell u. i swear.
smiling, awkward, 'wth', kena kissed by old not very glam/hot chick(hen), is-this-a-joke, who-are-you-and-why-are-you-kissing-me, i-don't-want-but-you-forced-it-on-me, i'm sorta public person so i got no choice but to just smile... LOOK.
pardon my eng... i'm not very good at eng expression. ha ....ha.....
of course. not only me that saw that.. my femme frens too. hommes were dancing their way in their world.
den as the the alcohol wears out (for me... previously i felt the trembling of my legs after i stop bobbing to the music), i realised that i just like to sit down. kick my leg in tandem to the beats of the music and watching pple have their happenings around me.
THat's when i realised CLUBBING is more than what it seems to the world. LOL! THIS IS E CRUX OF THIS POST ACTUALLY! LOL!!!!!!
i see diff kinds of pple. trans or x dresser, cool dress pple, sexy pple. angmoh. wierdo indiano, fashionistic pple, elegant pple, etc..
and thru their dance moves... i realised that some pple are just there to enjoy themselves by dancing to the beats. some treat club as some stage performance or some practice area. lol!.
some just want to de-stress by gulping alcohol and shake their booty. haha. nah. it's just 'exercising' . haha!
some, don't even care if you;re looking at them but just do their moves, believing that they r so enjoying the way they dance. they feel that by dancing that way, it's cool and yet attractive....
some really like dancing.. some to check out girls, some want to indulge in their own world for this time. ALL BCOS of.... hmmm
Maybe the bottom line is, to be who they want to be. hmm wait.. or is it that they dun want to care so much but just indulge in their world of nobody. just me and the dancefloor and with the attitude of " i dun abt u but i want to express myself cos of the...... 'reasons i gave above'"
aiyah.. forgot what i wanted to write. had so much of thoughts on the night itself and in the end the tiredness overcome me.
hmm den oh yea. clubbing is some kind of fashion oso. like u really have to be in your best outfit and makeup to be outstanding and be 'well-liked'
i dunno.. saw a no. of fotos.. and idunno if i'm just sensitive or what... vin and jo are like that close. and by looking at the fotos again. i realised that there's some similarities btwn them. like that kind of similarities u see btwn a married couple? not that i'm saying both of them are. but ya! it's just that if she hadnt got a bf, prob he would be courting her. haha
dunno la. vin seems like a freq clubber. but he's a guai gia. cool guy and yet act cute when there's camera, with dance moves so classic. haha!!
ok. side track abit, jo vin ade mich and kelv are going diving at tioman.. wah!??! a chance to get closer! hahaa.. eh who knows right? cos 3 gals and perhaps 2-3 guys... sexy bikini wears, beach, sunshine, fun, enjoyment, lovely times under the stars, good food, goood time tgt on land and water... etc.
ah so envious of them! sigh.. but it's good oso.. cos i'm not going to show my fats off to the guys. unless i really get rid of my fatty tummy and my hips... all are skinnys for ur info.. so one big sized elephant's going to leave a bad footprint. ok.. ya.. i'm just ranting my desire to be with them. i think i'm like a follower? i'm nt in any way enjoying it.. not like i'm releasing the full personality of mine. i'm like still trying and still finding??? got qy that group.. but.. i still withhold myself. ah. i guess i cant be as frank as i am with my mom. becos she's my mom. not outsider.
dun need to care much of hurting and scared of reuniting back. mom's just so great! she's the greatest person i can ever have. (gosh, why is it that i'm just merely talking/or typing abt mom, and tears just well up in my eyes??)
ok BACK TO TRACK!!! i think this is a vicious cycle thing. if u're dressed up nice, you got pple dancing beside u.. like real close with u? and those pple who dance towards the person who dressed up, they want to be 'liked'. it's social desire.. something to do with social psychology.
((lazy to find out the real word))
and u dress up.. to get pple coming around u. thats like the ultimate goal i think, of anyone la..not just club go-ers. and those dance towards them, want them to like them.. and hopefully get to know them, befrens and voila.
clubbing is an avenue for stress relief... an escapade from the reality. a place where you get to reallly enjoy what u normally dont do...
eg. drink. get drunk..
dance the moves u nv would do infront of anyone
sing out and enjoy the best moments
dance real close with girls and guys u dunno
go home late
erm.. there are more.. but i'm just lazy to type em all out. i'm doing this during office hours, and it's nearing to dismissal time liao.
u'll know when u get into a club.
and that's the advantage... .disadvantage... ear drums temporarily spoilt,
not enough sleep, dark circles,
alcohol to damage liver,
beer belly.
heaty.. gets sorethroat
no water for u to drink except alcohol. and alcohol tends to give u bad breath.. somehow. dunno y
drunk and u dunno how silly u may look. not that i'm saying all look silly. but just some pple i saw...
erm. late night dangers,.. robbery or rape..
soaring taxi fares are killers.
tiredness from dancing.
sore throat due to shouting of what u want to say to another one... and in turn spoiling ur ear drums
kena 'chi to fu' if u 're drunk.. not that i had kena.
what else?? alot la..
i might update again..
oh btw, i like taking fotos of pple enjoying. :)
Ciao
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 6/16/2009 11:02:00 AM
lesson # 35- unspoken
To be on the alert at all times.
i thought i was a pro until 1 night i thought i could park the car in when it's so much smaller. and i kinda scratched and dented my dad's car... i feel so bad and i'm such a failure. i was too reckless or careless in a way
i thought i am always giving my best and i always show to dad that i'm the best.
now, it's quite difficult to gain his trust back.
is he my father, or an authoritative figure?? (oh btw, i always mixed up authoritative and authoritarian. just know that he's someone distant)
oh am i telling you my sadness again? this blog is not supposed to be like that. It should be objective.
but i guess, it sort of open the door to r/s we don't dare to speak about. and how other things like being alert, being wary, think before you speak etc... interact with this distant relationship
life is precarious
Friday, June 12, 2009 6/12/2009 09:54:00 AM
lesson #34-- worry cure
i'm quoting my friend's status on fb. "i'm having a love hate relationship with the facebook"
she meant that the fb got prob uploading her pics.
For me, self esteem and confidence. and i'm worried abt that. But i shouldnt (i'll tell u a lil more below)
saw a pretty girl's fb profile and she was studying in the same pri as i. and Si Min and i used to make fun of her during abacus class.
now, she's such a beauty, i am envious of the way she dresses. it's always what i wanted to dress. But i guess i'm saving on the money, not wililng to part them, that's why my closet has always been tops that are soooo random and i cant match with anything.... and the clothes i have are quite... boyish. or school girl kind. as in. school girl that wears tshirt and jeans.
i like dresses. but i dun really dare to wear sleeveless dresses.. gosh. how? sian..
i think i worry too much that's why it explains my low self esteem. i think i dwelled on this topic before.. but haha.. going to bore u again.
oh yes, btw,fyi i borrowed a book 'The Worry Cure' by Dr. Leahy from e library.
I tot it was good. it has the references, and it is as if this book is talking to me... yes when pple say that the thing is talking to them, it means something.
You are exactly what they are talking abt. and that means if they are talking abt something bad like 'worry', and you feel so like the perpetrator, you are a worrier.
and that's bad!? (wth look)
i'm lazy to write out what is the content... but u all should just go borrow this book. it's great!
The Worry Cure-- Dr. Robert L. Leahy
oh and i just realised that my frens are busy.. yes qy. i'm talking abt our clique.
i see that you're busy for this week.. ah. and i am busy tilll 5.. yes busy with nothing that is. And Huong has yet to reply my msg..zzz
i'm worrying a lot of things that i dont have to.. i just have to act on it and solve my worries.
action will lead to results. not worry.
Monday, June 8, 2009 6/08/2009 11:13:00 PM
lesson no. 33-- we are no longer smarter than 5th graders. ADMIT IT!
To have or not to have. and i mean kids.
yes. i still remember what Mr Philip Tan, kids are actually evil...
oh well... there are some who are evil.. and i hope that my kids wont be like that. they shall be innocent and yet not naiive (one 'i' btw).
if i want, i would like them to be cute.. loveable and not a kid that is jealous, a show off and be strong headed... humble shall be the word... oh yes.. confidence (not over confidence)
i dun like kids that act like some adult becos imagine ur kids talking to u like an adult.. it's disgusting. and if they were to be smart until cunning.. omg...
i would never dream abt that...
i'll say i dunno him/her.
LOL!
Just now i was watching Gossip Queen, ma la tian hou gong.
and she was interviewing some kids. and out of the 4, 2 are nice kids, and another two, one very adult, one very strong headed, want to be in the limelight always..
they are smart too.. but it seems so unnatural to me.. which is so not their age..
that's the prob with our singapore kids too. all trying to outwit each other and being the best....some by parents, some by themselves. those smart a**, i am so disgusted by them sometimes. those who boasts abt their grades.. wth??
grades arent anything. ok??
though it is like in this world, i'd like to believe that attitude, personality and some like experience count best.
sigh...
our future generation is exceeding us. in a good way.. or not.. that depends on how we view it .. yes.. our own perspective again.
Singapore la.. that is the prob... becos it's Singapore, we are made to become so kiasu... *shakes head vigourously*
6/08/2009 04:14:00 PM
lesson #32--frenship rope
went to Nic's and Rebecca's bday and it was a great outing overall. both in the same week.. friday and weekend and had fun catching up with many of the frens.. i so love this whole gathering thing. makes me feel so young.
hahaha! i'm so excited over rebecca's bday gift though. she saw the note we gave and she was laughing hard.
and i wonder how she's going to react when she receives it....
a group of us, suggested diving. and yes that's what we are going to do tgt.. have fun and have the best of both world. fun company and the nature's beauty.
but it seems like everyone of us cannot really find a common time. i'd love to go man... i think i'll just temporarily forget my fats... yes those bulging fats that will be squeezed out of the 2 pc suit for swimming. .darn... i'm so lazy to do sit ups to reduce those fats and yet i want it away...
i'm not a determined person.. sadly.
and everyday i waste my time at office... sigh. i need to remind myself to check out if theres any gym at cc. oh well... i needa lift weights...
ok.. yes.. nic was a super fun fren to be w and to talk 2.
and erm what we learn here?? treasure frens that are hard to come by.
Thursday, June 4, 2009 6/04/2009 09:35:00 AM
lesson # 31: A sentimental gift that contains much value
ytd went to msia to visit ma grandma, and we're talking about jade and she said she has one. so we decided to help her put hers on.
but who knows her bones are just milllimeters bigger than the jade bangle, and she felt her hands were almost breaking, so we decided not to force it into her hand. what a pity. it would be very pretty if she wore a new one. the old one was 46 yrs old. how long is that!~
she decided to give it to me. i was shocked. i shouldnt take it man. but she insisted. i was feeling ashame to have accepted it. But since she couldnt put it in, she said might as well give to me. she was saying in Hainanese that she dotes on my bro and me (translated a little by my mom).
so now, i'm wearing it. and now i feel so special. hahaha! but to look at myself from afar, the jade bangle seems a little old for me, cos wearing it usually means you're married. HAHAHA!
i wonder who's my husband-to-be. LOL!
ok, so what can we actually learn from here. i oso dunno. but i guess filial piety begets something invaluable. jade is not valuable on its own btw.
it's the sentimental value that is passed down from previous generation. the meaning behind the giving of the bangle is the main thing that makes it even more valuable than the nett price.
that's what we call heirloom priceless. so does family ties and friendship. there's this imaginery line that strings us all together. as to how strong the ties are, it depends on us to add in the string to knit from a thin fine string, to a thick rope.
but if the relationship is disturbed, that means a slash on the thick rope. and as time passes by, and pple say time would heal all wounds, there is afterall a scar oready.
so it's good that we maintain ties.
right...i just realised that i side tracked again.. when can i ever write a decent post!?