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Wong Yee Lee, Cherin

1st May 88, Taurus

Nan Chiau primary high, Monk's Hill Sec, SRJC, James Cook Uni

ex-debator, Ex Student councillor, a procrastinating student (muahaha), Psychologist-to-be

Love:

that special one

my bed

*my family

*healthy food

*colours--green! orange and erm.. almost every colour. :D

*shopping

*violin and dance( if i ever learn them)

*movies .

Right.... i think i offend a lot of people unknowingly... although some i know, i think i need to read more books to brush up my english and how i deliver my intentions nice and sweet


But i would like to take this chance to say sorry to everyone i've offended and to ask for forgiveness. To forgive and correct me that is.

i thought it's all a joke but it turned out to be an insult to some people. They may be angry and feel that why do i speak without filtering it first. But they just kept quiet. Whereas me, i would continue yakking away, ballooning my head and thinking that i'm funny....when it's not.

i guess i rather keep quiet once more. Over the years, i really kept to myself, watching and laughing along with my group of friends. But i rarely spoke....
only like in jc, among my close friends, and jcu friends, i have opened up more.

too much and too fast, i became air-headed... (if there's such word) so full of myself that i forgot what the "Do's and Don't's" are... or "what to say or not to say".....

of course, while i speak, i observe people's facial expression. They had those awkward looks, but i had to finish whati said...they looked at me as if i would speak more and with more interesting stories, but i didn't.

i may seems like someone who is sociable, who can speak well. but all shells you see of me are empty... i may be very energetic when i first met the person, or talk to someone whom i had not seen for a long time.... but after a while, when i cant find the common topic between us to talk about, i stopped... we became strangers again....sigh....


so what is speech norms... it is kind of hard to define here since i dun talk much in reality.... and even when i joke, i joke with no intelligence......

Many of the things we do are actually doing for e sake of being socially accepted so we feel good and be guilty free. But have we actually done what we like individually? Many of the views we have and things we do are constrained by our parents teaching and the social norms...which in the same word, parents teaching.... But who develop these norms?

Who was the first person to know all these?

 

Perhaps it's wired in our brains by nature. And thru evolution and natural selection we shape our thinking.

Survival and personality play a large part. For e.g., u keep giving pple e good stuff and u are livin in a harmonious village. But someone of a more selfish  personality would feel that e sharing issue is a stupid thing.

Hence, they would talk to their family and warn them. soon, they began to be critical of many things... unless the person does something they think it's satisfying, yes, that's social acceptance.

OR if you're the oddity among a group of pple, say like you speak really of a lower standard, or your english is not that powder ful...the english speaking people would not give a heck of who you are. Becos they cant communicate anything with you. you got no sense o humour, you're outta the group. so if one wants to be in that group, one has to learn the ropes of the group's special traits or characters... etc...

just like the badminton case i went thru, i cant socialise well cos they are all... like... one gang oready...gettin into their group requires effort... that is humour (perhaps), be knowledgeable... cos you're 21... and the other girl whom i knw of is called Sandra is in sec, saint canossia  blah blah, (i dun wish to bother wat is it), she got this 'look down on me' look and she was like, er ok, i dunno what are you talking about becos your eng is not good and ure not open not socializing...

another would be of course the most impt one, BADMINTON SKILLS. if not, dun even think of gettin into their good books! i just need to be daring to take up the challenge of social rejection... first.

daring to ask and speak proper eng, before i can be socially accepted by them. so afterall, i'm doing what the society asked me. the social norm tat is...

why cant i just go against the flow, and be myself for a day.. do my things... and not look at anyone's face for a living?? i cant obviously. im someone who is so concerned over how people think of me and what kind of person in someone's eyes. i dun like the looks on people when they look so doubtful of me.

They are torturous to me. why? becos i know i need them so i can succeed... without them, the chance of getting an opportunity to perform would be gone.

I know of the usual saying, 'then go against it. be the first to revolutionise'... blah blah blah...

yes the courage and all are the main elements but to come to think of it, are the people you're going to ignore, impt?? Better not step on the tails you know?! IF not who noes, they might be the one who defines the social acceptance measurement.

Just smile and be witty... in any case one is faced with unbearable definer of social acceptance, just smile and instead, prove your worth such that there is nothing they can pick on you to scold. :D

that's why, facing challenges is a way to make you more 'holy' more impenetrable to insults but earn more respects.  Be smart to knw what kind of measurements of social acceptance are used first! ;D

Hahha! sure it is true! haha!


no i'm not laughing at people who are short but i'm recalling this show called 合味情浓, a hk drama abt jap food and a company that broad cast the jap stuff.. so this guy is actually the bro of the company's boss, and he works as some poor chap so to cover up his identity as a rich kid.

He was like the worker of the super serious in work lady called Ally starred by Bernice. i like her very much. :D

He liked her alot but he din express. so one day this girl came back hapily but only to find out this guy was the bro of boss,and kena misunderstood by him that she came back for him cos he's now the boss since the bosscannot be contacted after going abroad.

Of course, she gave in resignation letter but when the guy came to look for her in the carpark, he said that he's angry becos he tot she's into him for the money. But of course, he asked her to stay due to her ability in her work that would help the company.

So he grab her stuff and walk back to the lift first. Ally, while looking at his back view, she said that, 'for a moment, he's not that short afterall. becos of his magnanimous and his magnitude..( or something along that line that he's being very understanding) it made him looked like a giant now.'

of course, the drama depicted him as some very strong man with folded sleeves, that did chores like carrying a 'heavy' box when it's just a photocopy paper box with afew files in it. -_-

But what's funny is, he accidentally stepped on a can and that made him slipped and fell.
aiyah..so malu..
haha!


Seriously, that sentence she said made soo much sense. As long as a guy's got a great character that let pple respect them, they are tall no matter hw short they are. loL! not that short but ...in comparison to a tall girl.. that is...

that's why you'll see some times, girls dating guys that are sometimes shorter than them. hahha!


Just like the korean show 奉达希医师 anyway..i dunno how to spell e chi word.. but it's a show abt medical knowledge and abt thoracic surgeries.... the guy who liked the girl was actually a short guy but the way he walks and how he exercises his expertise made him looked even more charming than tall dumb guys.


so ya, learn the magnitude of inner beauty. haha! actually wanted to blog about time management and assumptions, but i guess this topic is easier since i am satisfied. haha!

I had this dream ever since i watched this show that depict a couple going for a concert. And i mean literary orchestra that kind, classical music that kind... That one day, the man i love would treat me to one and together we will watch the orchestra play beautiful music together and chat about our favourite music genre, chuckle over things that are related to music...and perhaps leaning towards the classical side, etc..

Yes, until now, there hasnt been any movie-like happiness happening to me yet. All those traits of a dream guy are oh-so high class that sometimes, i feel so tired trying to be in their world. I am hunger to be in that kind of category becos only that, i feel i'm secured...becos what i want for my future is financially secured and kids growing up well.

yes, my dream life would be to associate with the high class people, yet humble and friendly. Perhaps have a couple of kids that will grow up like their father, if not....be musically inclined or exceptionally good looking that allows them to get into the company of many rich associates.


haha!! Perhaps, it's time to pop that bubble because i myself is not learning any music at all, not musically inclined, not artistic, not analytical, not pretty, not rich*, rough.. etc..

oh, i dun have that kind of air of nobility, or what you call them.. erm.. refined looks...

so, i've decided to be satisfied over things that dun come easy. that in another words, be appreciative of many things that come and go. Like now...

Ive learnt the imptance of money. i would want to find a job asap so i can earn and keep..and perhaps buy something i like..or something that has value and when resell it, the value doubles or triples the original price. yes, when i have the money, i'll invest in hmmm, watches?? well.. i still dunno yet.. but i definitely would need to find out more. :D

and above was inspired by Ben. i dunno why but i find him very inspiring.. he's principles, his life, his viewpoint... ah..no, dun even think that he's my bf- boyfriend. he's one of my best friend i guess...

like today, or a few days ago, he asked if i want to go watch Cresent Girl's Symphony Band. i didnt want to at first cos it's 15. well he said it's considered cheap. but eventualy i went becos it's been ages since i visit Esplanade again. It's my first time into those theatre halls. So i was like a noob. The pieces CG played are syf pieces, one happy one normal, one grim and solemn. i like the grim and solemn piece. No, i'm not a gothic girl. But i thought they played much better than the happy piece. The happy wasnt.. happy but rather..no feelings put in i guess. it's their opening piece. Then they played ABBA's songs and some other songs, and den high school musical 2! haha! i like the music 'you are the music in me'. LOL! Then, charlie chaplin and one other guy's piece were done by the CG's Alumni Band. WOW. THey are much more powerful.
In the end, they end with a Bang of happy music, and as well as Shrek's Wedding Party music but it's remixed.... SO i get to listen to some music that were played by many bands, including my sec school's band , MHSS one... miss those days..

yeah, so although it's just a concert of a sec school, i am satisfied because of the music i am listening to. It sort of reconfirmed that me, learning music is ...correct? haha! and classical music makes me feel so 'refined' and so... composed and calmed. and HAPPY!


So what about the person i watched with? No, it's not the dream guy i'm with but with a friend that open wide my eyes. He's very kind to offer me other concerts when there is a chance. ofcourse, i'll be paying... he's a scrooge. haha! But the very least he knows how to appreciate music and that's what i like about him as a friend. Now this point makes me feel proud while im writing this entry. haha! becos i got a friend who's into classical music!! yay!

I am satisfied that i've got him as the 'musical' friend. and i'm satisfied by the kinds of friends i have! haha! i have the tattoo friends, the conservative friends, the open minded ones, the english speaking ones, the humourous ones, the smart ones, the rich one, the fun ones, the handsome ones, the pretty ones, the gossipy ones, the chinese speaking ones, the book reading ones---Esp the Twilight readers. LOL!
The studious ones, the artistic ones, the analytical ones, the com geek ones... etc..

I'm satisfied enough. :D Right, of course i lied about not posting entries of my laments. i still want to blog abt my complains but in addition to the long post, i'll be giving pple some kind of lesson that we can all learn from. :D set?

went for the badminton session on sat night as a 'guest' and i told the chairman that i still cant get the rules right, or i said i forgot.... or i said i dunno....

so he said, "i'm surprised that you (play so long and) still dunno the rules."

That, i took it offensively...

sigh, i can go on cursing him cos of his bloody smug remark that puts people down. But i guess i just dislike him for the moment becos one ofthe so called coach said i need to polish my basic skills first..before everyone enjoys the game... of course, i cant play well. i sucked at playing badminton and i was clumsy. and it's sooo obvious that many people dislike playing with me.

i can teLL!!!!! damn it!

i needa find someone who's sooo willing, who's soo patient and nice to play badminton with.
before i go back to that bunch of people who are in their own group... yes.. social psych we all learn about groupings.... i forgot the word but it means that they dun want people who are not in the group to join in and they would protect themselves well from oddities.

yes, i will learn and prove to that old fat bloke that i can play too. yes that's when i can 'detest' that guy... argh. xiao mian hu. pretender..




So why the torture to go and learn and then go back there to mix around with people whom i cant click??? i guess it's kind of what chinese called 'gu qi'. i need to prove to him that i'm of a standard and not any ah gao, ah lian who goes there to smoke.

i dun like people who look down on me. i hated that kind of feeling. i can have a choice of not going back there. but i tot i would like to have more challenges in life, while i'm STILL young. hahah!!! that's why, i'm like starting to find work... while studying... and hope that i can cope.


i feel like i'm back to the 1900s, where there were a lot of expectations of someone... at any stage of one's life. at the age of 10, you're expected to behave.
at the age of 15, expected to do sewing and learn all those girly stuff while boys, becoming like a man, following dad to hunt, mow the lawn, chase the sheeps....

at the age of 21, girls were matched made and guys too. if not, further studies and helping out parents.

around age 24, working and be independent...
around 30, you gotta get married. and women ought to stay at home to clean the house... etc... guys...more responsible.....

however, girls nowadays, i feel that they need to be responsible for their own life. and not follow suit, that woman would need to stay at home.... this kind of expectation, hahha! we can just forget it...

most imptly living up to expectation would mean accepting challenges and make our lives more colourful. ::::::A copy of my last entry of the other blog::::::



Right, i've decided to write the 202th entry to mark the end of this blog that depicted my life since may 1 2007.

why the change you would ask. well... while i was bathing after a badminton session with the badminton khakis at bishan sports hall, it made me think abt how i'm going to be a changed person.... oh, btw the 'it' means the wierd feeling after the game and how the words from a so called coach told me just now.He said that i need to find someone to practise my basic skills....well of course my skills are lousy as compared to others... and those experts are trained in school, by proper coach..

right so tell me where to get a 'proper' coach?

i'm going to get it and this so called 'determination' from it and the 'determination' from learning music from ben makes me feel as if i'm accomplishing something i've dreamt abt.

well...what i dreamt abt is to pursue what i want, like with freedom?? like paying with my own money...of course i've yet to find a job...going to find one soon...monday..going to call the photography job..

so pursuing music is what i like... exercising is also what i wanted, but in this case, cos i'm not that 'welcome' and as a lousy communicator, i failed to talk to many pple and build rapport with them. and this exercising thing is soon going to flop cos .... i just dislike the feeling of being the odd one out. even sandra gave me this wierd look.... of unfamiliarity and awkwardness..

i dunno.. i guess if my skills are there, i'll be slightly happier in there.

and btw, my arms and thighs ache like shit. plus, i did alot of heavy moving of the washing machine, my arms are totally flabby and why i still can type this entry out, it's becos the love for blogging.. muahaha! ok..lame

anway, the 'determination' to find a job and to do part time while i am studying makes me feel that many things would turn for the better.... The year of the Ox should be at least a better year?? cos...i'm starting to get in touch with pple, starting to see why i should focus even more in perhaps studies.. my future... my ....pgd...

no need them to email me, i oso noe i am not going to make it into the Hons...



right... with many new things going to come up in my life...i feel really excited abt it and i would like to... take this opportunity to tell everyone who reads my blog that i'm converting my style of blogging from lamentation to LESSONS IN LIFE!

yeah!! *applause*

so for eg. guys are not into me, i'll say it such that the post goes like this:

¬¬¬¬
Lesson no. 1 He's just not that into you (the show coincides btw)

****blah blah like Alex......****

¬¬¬¬


get it? haha! i feel like a teacher...

DInnIE

HuI

hwee2

REinE

WEiJie

SErenE

BRendA OGL

BEnHo

SIyiNg

PEarlY

Pin HUa

JUNYang

JoLenESeoW

YuNYinG

szywan(ogmist5)

IsA

MarK

HaMZaH

GerALDinE

GlOrIA

BrinTHa

SaNi

MeiHuI

WiLmeR

MayGaLAi

KaiYim *NEW

EmmAnuEL

J10

LIyi

ZaCKWisE

Richie Rich

YuEHan

NIcoLaS

Shyyan

DINky ShaUN

ChALiT

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