Sunday, December 6, 2009 12/06/2009 12:27:00 AM
ok. no lesson but just reflections.
Ok.. I have posted like 3 entries in 1 day!!! weee~！
ok.. i've got no one to really pour my feelings to. So i guess blog is only my way out.. And yes... i'm talking to myself.
BUt that's just me. i like to reflect and do self talking. makes me feel that i'm myself.
NOt that i don't with friends.. but i reflect on the wrong things i did during the day. LIke no appreciatively reciprocate the love my friends showered me... rather i just be a wet blanket...''
which is quite bad.. I'll like to say sorry to YueH. and Ken.
I am such a failure in my life... the real pessimist is me!!! i appear all so positive.. but what am i actually... i'm totally lost now.
I have no goals now.. or rather.. my goals are mixed.. rojak-ed.
I supposed to do my thesis.. but i spent my days and nights talking and thinking about my 2 new friends. ya...quite bad...
*plays Human by The Killers* I guess we're all humans... i think im normal to get mixed up in my priorities..
But then again. i should review what my life is now... i should focus on my work.. but can i handle well both work and the 2 lovely friendships i had with the people i said sorry to?
They are a two great people that i came to know in the crossroad of my life.
*plays The Saltwater Room by Owlcity* i like the voice, the melody of the music AND THE LYRICS! makes me fantasize over again.
maybe i need to plan my schedule... i think i am lost becos i havent get the scoring instruction for one of my questionnaire... that's why i can do analysis of the data... damn!
ok.. so am i lost as in.. my goals for now? or as a person?? as in.. personality... as in... my traits...
I am emotionally.. and psychologically imbalanced... *woah! dun u run away from me yet!*
should i go consult a counsellor?? i don't want to pay.. maybe someone who's well trained and who's a friend.. so no fee charged!
maybe i'm facing the com too much.. i dun run like ken.. i dun go out with gf like what Yue. does..
I'm a hermit!! *no wonder that explains my weirdness* maybe i like solitude
i need a company...
i wonder if you are the who...
Would you be my fantasy...
i'll put away my cool...
To receive you like some fan over idol
To worship you like i'm ur servant
To make you happy so i can be happy
and to make you feel comfortable in a spa of flowers.
(such a failed attempt to write poem/song)
I sounds so anxious/ambivalent. but oh well.. i'm 'innocent' hahaha! *not feeling any guilty at all*
muahhaa! ok.. i appear differently on net and in reality.. becos i face people.. i don't know how to react to their words... i know how to react when it's online.. why?? becos i'm a visual person??
i see words to get inspiration of what i want to say... i'm tongue tied when people plays with words in reality. i cant delete and rephrase..
That's why i offend pple.. sorry!
ok.. why am i 'innocent'.. maybe naiive... or maybe i don't socialise thats why i dun know what pple mean and think....
i need to go out with them more often.. pls people! bring me out! hahhahahaa!!!
oh.. plus i dunno much abt r/s with people... the hidden meaning behind those words they speak. I retreat and forward.. like a pendulum..except it's irratic... can people understand me and get close to me??? what are you thinking!?!?
and i dun understand guys.. sadly?? i duno whatthey like/dislike.. what ticks them.. what they think of certain things.. .etc.. just too much to name....
so