Saturday, December 5, 2009 12/05/2009 05:11:00 PM
lesson 68--play the BLAMING game.
Hate my father for who he is.. i wonder why i had him as he is...
I'm so envious of my friends' dad becos they are on good terms with them and ...
their father are those who do not flare up easily.. for nothing.. for a little mistake..
i can write a.. hmm.. 1000 word essay on him and even exceed but i don't have the time and i don't wish to waste me time on him. I wonder how i can deal with him.. seriously.
D said she's gonna move out. which is like..i know she's capable of doing that... what about me?? she's got a job and she has every reason to not like her dad... what do i have? it's not comforting to think of it.. esp when there's no one there to cry or even complain to.
I'm just as useless as my mom.. in a way that she relies on my father for many things like money. she's not capable of much things becos my dad was oppressive.
blame it on her brains.. or blame it on the era.. the horoscope and year she was borned in... blame the environment she was brought up...
yes.. we all like to blame... like i'm blaming my mom and dad.. and my dad blaming my mom.. and my mom blame my dad.. and i blame my brother.. my brother blames me, my brother blames my mom etc..
u can try playing around with the blaming game. it's fun.. *yes. it IS fun! -_-*
why cant we even live in peace?? like if you cant find a thing, ask.. and NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS!
cant your bloody eyes open wider?? the newspaper was just on the floor...! do you think we like to keep your newspaper?? for watever hell the reason is?? so to grow lizards and cockroaches??
F.
ok.. i'm getting over agitated.. i'm welling up tears for him for no reason...
ok.. maybe you'll ask me to think abt the good side.. i cant i tell u. the frequency is just over the limit.. you see the meter with good and bad signage over there*points on the wall*
whoever accumulates the one with the bad signage meter wins a prize...
what prize??
HATE and ABHORRENCE
and who won them??
My father. nope. aint gonna use 'Dad' this word. that sounds too intimate...
The Elektra complex (vs. oedipus) is not found in my situation... so THAT! theory doesnt stands at all! quit quoting it in any attachment style.
it's been like 21 years!!! he's aged.. and yet his bloody temperament doesnt change at all!
he's type A personality.. that means.. rage over little things.. not open to ideas..... etc u go find out urself.. too lazy to even find the book and copy and paste what's written in there.
Those kinds are prone to heart attack, hypertension stroke and other more.
Shld i be worried?? yeah.. for the income that is...
sometimes when both mom and bro were out and only left me and him, there's no conversation at all.. he'll be in his room surfing net.. and i'll be doing my stuff..
i speak when i ask him what he wants to eat...
i love him when he's very 'ok la.. if u like it.. buy it' ...
not the money part that is.. for this case.
it's the love he showed.. that's how he shows.. but i dun want just that. i want more than that.. yes we are all selfish creatures.. (creature becos we are just as basic as animals and their instincts)
he kinda falls far behind the ideal father i had portrayed in my mind... I would get a husband that
is so not like him..
And screw the elektra complex theory AGAIN! they say girls chooses husband that resembles their father ( in terms of maybe temperament and etc).. I SO DUN WANT THAT!!
I hope to find someone so opposite of him.. nice and caring.. humourous in the good sense( my father's was not really humourous in his lame jokes) loving and understanding.. and great temperament.
oh.. probably the ang mohs would fit the category?? but i am hesistant still... cant click w them.. some how... :S
yes.. blame my parents for the destruction of my self esteem and education.. i dont speak well and i dun express well..
go to hell.