Saturday, May 23, 2009 5/23/2009 11:15:00 PM
lesson # 29--- speak thou minds
yes, speak what u think. speak what u're unhappy with. speak it out now before it's all too late. speak now and not keep in inside you becos nobody would understand what you're thinking about for goodness sake!!!!!!
i'm glad that the past 2 to 3 days, pple asked me abt my pm on msn. they cared for me. of course, those who didn't i'm not saying anything bad abt u and ur intention and etc.
it's just that, i felt rather comforted to have pple to care. as compared to my mom. she was badly hurt. a really deep cut into her heart and yet, no one is available readily there to comfort her. i feel bad, unable to be the best person to comfort her. as a daughter, and as someone who studied psychology, i ought to let her talk and perhaps push my work aside and just listen to her..
oh well. until now she's yet to get over this issue. whereas me, i got over it but just that it occasionally haunts me abit. but i'm going to use a very intellectual thinking disposition to talk to my aunt's son. and to speak tactfully, so he wont have any prejudice against me.
i do know that he's got prejudices against us oready. but i just dunno what kind. and i need him to really talk. he doesnt show much emotions and thoughts. so it's really difficult for me to break open to him and into him.
i din know my aunt had such thoughts of my mom after so long.. like 3 yrs? she is someone who speaks her mind whenever she feels that it's not right.. and to speak with such crude mean words. that's her. and becos of that personality of hers, led my mom to be afraid of many things that she would like to say to her.
and becos of this reason, led to some sort of chain reaction. My aunt was sick then, and my mom said something that my aunt misunderstood. However, she perhaps din wish to clarify and regarded my mom as some evil mean sister who would stoop low to hurt her and as if she's going to get some inheritance like that.
my mom's nt thatkind of person. she wouldnt do that. and what for would she do that?? revenge becos she has been hurt by my aunt for years?? no. my mom just receives and get hurt by her words that's all. And after that, she forget them and befriend my aunt again. for this issue about 'hurting her heart when she was sick', my mom forgot what she said and for what reason she said that. it's not that she dun want to admit that she said those words to my aunt. but she really forgot and is forgetting a crime?? hello!? you're sick that time, it could be that you're hearing it wrongly too! why wouldnt u clarify earlier like right after u're feeling much better?? why not clarify with us when we went up to visit u???
if u wanna argue tht u rmbed clearly and it's not that u rmb wrongly or heard wrongly, and my mom's forgotten abt it, why cant u just say forget it. my mom said sorry, if this is what u want but why would u say that u dun accept her apology? Going around to tell tales, and ask ppple what does that sentence means, of course would invite pple to stand by your side, but what if my mom were to recall that she din mean it that way but U INTERPRETED WRONGLY?!?!
my mom cowers when you're sick, and heartbroken to hear that you're sick. why would she even say those words that hurt u?! since young, she hasnt say anything bad about u to hurt u, LET ALONE NOW!! and seriously, it' is ur interpretation that she would want to hurt u ONLY WHEN YOU'RE SICK. 为什么 要 以小人之心度君子之腹
pardon my chinese if u may.
it is my aunt who constantly wreck her r/s with my mom, with her helpers and perhaps many other pple around her with her own attitude, words and actions.
my aunt oso said herself that her temper's bad, but why wouldnt she care to change it so she would not hurt pple? yes.... many , MANY!! pple called and wish to visit her when she was sick that period. we didnt.. yes. we were in the wrong. But i guess different pple has different way of expressing their concern. if own sister didnt come to visit me, i'll be hurt.. but i wont be mindful if she explain her reason to me... and i reply to her NICELY. so she would know and be guilty of her mistakes. that's how evil i am if i were her. but she didnt. she kept it inside her and accumulate her hatred towards my mom. that's even more evil i think.
so two issue's down. another 2 issues to go.
yes.. again.. again.. that's what my aunt said. that's why she hated my mom to the core. but u got ur bloody mouth!!!
cant u just speak up!?!?
during CNY, my mom said she's going to bring the pomelo and the nian gao for aunt. but as blur as she always is, she forgot. and i would like to make it clear that she din eat them all up. she forgot to eat her part oso, so that means we didnt eat.
becos cny passed for quite some time before she recalled, my mom therefore didnt dare to bring it to my aunt. yes she don't want to be scolded again for 'expired' niangao.. or mouldy niangao.. and shrivelled pomelo.
my aunt emphasizes on the good will pple give to her and she blamed us that we didnt deliver other pple's good will and in fact, kept it for ourselves. that's despicable yes. .but i swear to God that we do no such things. she's the only relative in singapore we have and they are the closest to us.
what for over such trivial stuff we quarrel and even to the point of cutting ties (almost, becos that's what i inferred from my aunt.) sigh.
she ccan just call to reprimand us if we were late in delivering her 'good-wills'. if not, when we visited her during the cny, she could just make another sarcastic comment to tell us what she wants.
yes. she will argue again saying, ' no. i purposely dun want to say. and i want to see how long u're going to bring it over. and i dun want to open my mouth, in case u're saying that i am greedy for such trivial stuff. it is expected of u to bring it to me when pple asked u to do so.'
yes.. there's a duty we must fulfil. and forgetfulness cannot be an excuse. pls. if u really want to argue, saying that we purposely want to keep it for ourselves, i'll just have to say, what abt gifts such as the 'yu piao'?? that's expensive, but we brought it for u. we din eat them ourselves. and it's just this two times. out of so many times??
ok, back to forgetfulness, and to the reason we're quite near to you, to find tothe root of the prob, it is ur attitude tat put my mom off. why cantwe talk like before?? why must u show ur attitude and made my mom think that you've got something against her, preventing her from coming to find u, or even have u in her thoughts.
yes you're going to go back into circle to the reason that she said those 'hurtful' words to u when you were sick.
the last issue, regarding the payment for tomb sweeping, we forgot to pay and we dun even know if we paid or not. so, tell us and we'll go clarify with our another relatives. if she oso forgot.. fine, we'll pay again. it's not like we dun want to part money for the dead. oh.. ya.. only u have the filial piety and we dun.. yes... yes.. oh yess.. we are that kind of person in ur eyes.. forever... we gobble money, we gobble good will, we stab u in your heart and we are the ones who could be the creator of potential sickness relapse. eh! we're ur relatives!
ok.. so once again, i'll say it logically, for the issue that my mom said those hurtful words to you, there's no proof, no third party and based on ur constituent at that moment, AND! u din bother to clarify but keep inside u (as compared to the past, you just shoot whatever comes into you mind, suanning and scolding, and whatever shit comes out). you think we're psychic?? we will read what u are thinking in ur mind?? hellow! we're not liable for such things if things go wrong!?
yes, u'll argue again that you're sick, no longer wans to be like the past, i dun want to waste effort on such things.
HA! dun want to waste effort on saying these stuff.. yes.. and the shit u get back are all these consequences u created. not us.. seriously. partially, we're wrong.. but to rectify this prob, it's not abt who's in the wrong now. now. the only solution is to accept the apology and learn our mistakes. we got our mistakes, and u got ur attitude problem mistakes.
pls dun use ur sickness as an excuse again to have an upper hand over us. we're not going to accept it. if u speak ur mind, that sickness of urs still presents itself in our mind, reminding us that we should be more alert and not make u angry or watsoever....
a harsh punishment from u by not telling us what u're thinking is so not going to work on us. classical condition is not useful.
and she's spreading it like we're the evil ones. even to her son i'm sure.